Mind Over Matter: How to Empower Yourself to Get Back Into the Gym After Having a Baby
As a mother of 11-month-old twin boys, I have a personal understanding of the absolute chaos that can happen in our minds as new moms. Our bodies have just gone through the most dramatic, life-altering, and in some cases traumatic shift that humans could possibly endure. And on top of that, we’re now expected to nurture and care for a brand new baby (or more!), all while healing mentally and physically, without a key ingredient to recovery (sleep).
It’s a lot to handle, to say the least.
And as a pre/postnatal fitness specialist, I also know the profound role that exercise plays in both mental and physical healing. Ironically it’s now, more than ever, that building a strong foundation around your health and fitness becomes one of the most important things to focus on to heal your core, build bone density, build muscle to maintain a healthy metabolism, and reconnect with yourself emotionally.
But if your experience is anything like mine, you might also be dealing with an extreme lack of sleep, an emotional rollercoaster, identity crises, external pressures on how to live your life, and a crippling sense of self doubt. Who am I? Do I look stupid in these gym clothes? Am I doing the right exercises? Is there any point to this? What if I fail? What if this is all for nothing? What if I don’t even belong in the gym?
Stop it!
You DO belong in the gym. You look FANTASTIC in your gym clothes. No one CARES what exercises you’re doing in the gym. You ARE making progress, just by showing up. And you DO belong here.
So how do we do it?
How do we gain the confidence to even step back into the gym after a long hiatus, or for the first time?
These are the things that helped me, that help my clients, and that can help you feel confident and empowered getting back in there, taking up space, and doing this thing FOR YOU, while pregnant or after having a baby:
Knowing Who You Are
Yes. KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Because if you don’t know it, how is anyone else supposed to know it?
The beauty in knowing who you are is that you literally get to choose who you are.
Who do you want to be? What energy do you want to give the world? It’s your choice. It’s up to you. And it doesn’t always have to be one single thing. I make this decision every day. I decide what version of myself I want to be, and I embody that character.
And I can’t tell you how much that’s helped me in these last few months. Because even when you’re having an “I-don’t-know-who-I-am-today-omg-omg” moment, you can decide who you’re going to be, and ask that version of you: “what would you do right now?” “How would you show up?” and even: “What would you wear?” “What music would you listen to?” “What would you cook for dinner tonight?” Almost like asking a friend for advice.
So when you don’t know who you are, or you’re feeling lost or self-conscious, decide to be the person who takes up space. Decide to be the person who shows up and shows everybody she doesn’t care what they think, because she’s on a mission to be this version of herself today.
Setting Expectations
Your body just went through some shit. Let me start there.
And this point is not to say “set your expectations lower, because you can’t handle as much now.” No. It’s actually the exact opposite of that. Realise what your body just went through; you grew a human life for nine months, and then you busted it out of your body either by tearing it open or cutting it open. Okay? We’re talking major, serious, physical wounds. And we’re also talking major, serious, hormonal shifts (and when I say “shifts,” I mean shifts with the power and destructive ramifications of a 9.5 M earthquake) that deeply affect our mental health.
So all that is to say; you are handling A LOT right now. So take that into consideration when setting your expectations. You’re not going to see the same steady and predictable progress that you did in your early twenties before you had kids. And that is OK.
EXPECT to be tired as fu*k. EXPECT to not lift heavier weights every single week. EXPECT to go to the gym only to leave after 10 minutes sometimes. EXPECT for the scale not to budge some weeks. EXPECT to be frustrated, and to feel like nothing’s working (even though it is).
Expect it, because it will happen. But expect it and know that it is okay. It is necessary. And it is something that we all go through. Because knowing this and showing up anyway? Knowing you might not see a celebrity-like overnight transformation? That’s where the real strength is. That’s where the real confidence is built.
Setting Realistic Goals
For my non-pre/postpartum clients, the goals we set usually sound something like this: “Okay, your goal is to get stronger and lose weight? Awesome! Each week our goal will be to increase the weight you’re lifting, and to decrease your bodyfat by 0.5-1lb per week.”
For my pre/postpartum clients? Not the case. Like I said, there are a million things seemingly working against you right now. And every body, every experience, is different. And that’s why my ONE and ONLY non-negotiable goal I set for my mamas is this:
Show up for yourself.
Whether that means walking into the gym, taking a walk, getting a massage, writing in your journal, making a protein shake, or anything else that does something for you. Show up for yourself in as many ways as you’re able to that day.
And the way that I have my clients do this in my pre/postnatal Empowered Mama Program, and decide how they can show up for themselves today, is this: I have them write a list with three columns: Exercise, Nutrition, and Mindset. In those three columns, they write a list of the things that they can do to support those areas of life, from hardest, to easiest. For me, it looks something like this:
EXERCISE: Heavy strength workout, 30-40 min challenging cardio, intense dance class, 1 mile run, incline treadmill walk, choreography, medium-long walk with the babies, stretch/foam roll, massage.
And our goal is to do at least one thing on that list, for each column, challenging ourselves as much as we can on that given day.
This is how we can continue to reach goals everyday when things are so haywire. Knowing that you’re still giving 100% of what you have on that day, whether it be an intense workout or walking to the massage parlor down the street. You can have the knowledge that you showed up for yourself today, in the way that you and your body most needed you to.
Understanding and Preparing for Roadblocks
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”
This quote from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War is really powerful when approaching the challenges that inevitably get thrown at you through life, whether you’re a mom or not. And I talk about this with all of my clients, because being prepared is the best thing you can do to handle challenges and setbacks.
You know yourself better than anyone else. You know your biggest challenges, and you know what messes you up. So be honest with yourself about it. Name those things and accept that they’re things you may need to face, because if you name them, you can change them.
This is what it looks like in practice:
Roadblock: I feel unmotivated to the point that I just keep making excuses not to go to the gym
Gameplan: 1) Revisit your why. Remind yourself why you started in the first place, and think about how much this actually means to you. 2) Do something that motivates you. For me, looking at old workout videos, or videos of other women working out and being badass is hugely motivating. Listening to my workout playlist is also something that helps me. 3) Put on your workout gear and get ready. Wear something that makes you feel good. That makes you want to go crush some goals.
Having a Clear Program and Plan
There’s nothing that will make you feel more unprepared and directionless than going into the gym without a workout plan and program. Yes, you can be flexible and change things here and there, but we need to at least know what we’re going in for. Is today the day we’re working on your deep core strength? Are we trying to increase the weight on the barbell? Are we going in for upper body?
Please, for the love of God, have a plan! And a program so that you can measure progress over time and understand your body’s needs in the long-term. This will make such a huge difference in how you carry yourself when you walk into the gym. Just knowing what you’re there for, knowing where you need to be and what you need to be doing, can make all the difference.
Understanding Different Signs of Progress
Gaining muscle and losing fat are not the only signs of progress, and if those two things are the only things you’re counting, you’re missing countless opportunities to celebrate yourself. And the more we celebrate ourselves, the more confidence and motivation we have to continue showing up for ourselves, and the circle continues.
So how can we measure progress in ways that aren’t how we look or how much we lift? Well, next time you’re wondering if you’re making any progress, ask yourself these questions:
Am I sleeping better? (okay this one is a little tricky if you’re in the trenches with a new baby, but still)
Am I managing my stress better?
Does my body feel less achy?
Do I have a better connection and relationship with my body?
Am I finding it easier to prioritize nutritious foods?
Is it becoming more habitual to make time for the gym?
Does it feel less intimidating to take up space in the gym?
Do you have more energy to play with your kids?
Are you interested in things/hobbies you used to do?
Do you feel excited to go to the gym because you know it makes you feel good?
If you have children old enough, do they notice your dedication and imitate you or want to workout with you?
Is your relationship with your partner getting better?
Do you feel more confident in your body?
There are so many signs of progress that you could be missing out on. So next time you’re doubting the progress of your journey, ask yourself these questions and come back to me.
Circling Back to Your “WHY”
Your WHY is the most important piece of the puzzle. It’s where it all begins and it’s what it all boils down to. It’s where you plant that first seed, and it’s the place you revisit when you’re feeling self-doubt, questioning your abilities, or feeling discouraged in your journey.
It’s the thing that matters more than what other people might think. It matters more than the little voice in the back of your mind telling you you’re not enough, or that you don’t belong. And I’m not going to give you an example for this one, because you don’t need one. You know your why. And if you think you don’t, just ask yourself:
What do you want?
Describe the person you are in the future, when you’ve achieved this goal: Who is she?
What will this change about you?
What will this change about your life?
What will it mean for the people in your life?
In what ways will your goal manifest?
Now, I know that I’ve gone over a lot, and I’ve given you a lot to think about. But the reality of it is that yes, you can do all the reading you want about how to gain confidence and get back into the gym, but there’s a good chance you’re still going to feel uncomfortable.
And my point is, that’s okay.
My point is, you need to make the decision to make that okay. You need to say to yourself: “Today, I’m going to show up for myself by being uncomfortable. By pushing myself to do something for me that I haven’t done before.” Because it is only then that you’ll see real change. It’s only then that you’ll realize you can be uncomfortable and actually be confident in that feeling. It might seem counterintuitive, but I promise you, once that clicks, it REALLY clicks.
Mamas, you are the strongest people I know. If we can do what we’ve done, we can do anything.
